I'm tired of the desire to have it all together.

This past weekend, I was a leader at a Dnow.  At this specific Dnow, there was a hour straight of just worship.  Often during worship,  I find myself distracted about what God wants me to do or change or live out.  Does He want me to go pray with this person? Does He want me to give more money in the offering plate?  Does He want me to go to a different church?

With these questions, always come fear.  The fear of failure.  I talked about that in a previous post.  Yet, I started crying the other night at Dnow, because I was just so tired of this.  I'm so tired of worrying about not getting God's will right, or failing.  I want to have it all together and figured out, but I found and find myself overwhelmed by the fact that I didn't know if it was God's voice asking me to do these things.

To my surprise, God didn't say…make sure you do better next time.  Make sure you don't mess up.  Make sure your always perfect in discerning my voice.  He said "Rest in me and you will know me.  Spend sometime quietly reflecting Me, then your discernment will increase.  The answers to those questions are not the solution, I am.  For I am the one that can hold you together.  This gives Me glory."


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

His power is made perfect in our weakness.  So there is a time for trials, there is a time for famine, there is a time for battle.  For these are the precious moments when God can put us together.  

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

This is my one of my life verses, yet I have just discovered an amazing new way to apply it.  Trials are when God can put us together and isn't that beautiful.  

Below is a song called We fall apart by we as human and it's an amazing song. 

Consequently this weekend, I was able to share with girls my previous struggles and how God has helped me overcome.  God got glory through my imperfection; how beautifully broken we are. 

One night  God gave me this spoken word, that just seems to fit:

"Hello dear 

Don't be afraid to fail

I'm here as you shed that tear

And you know what I'll never bail

You don't have to have it all together 

Because I'm holding you all together 

And you don't have to worry about me because we are forever

Peace I give to you

Peace I impart

For I am the one holds your heart 

I'm here don't you cry

For I'm am here to give you new eyes

So can't you see 

That your part is over and done

Focus on enjoying the day

Not worrying about the setting sun

Let it go, let go the control

For you need not carry that burden anymore

Embrace the vulnerable 

Let me in I'll be your support 

Let me in my darling 

For burden is light 

I'll show you the way 

Even give you new sight 

The fear, the pain 

Leave it all behind

Stop focusing on the past 

And hitting rewind

For today is new and worth the living

For you have a whole lot more worth giving

Wow how amazing you are Lord how amazing

If God is for me then who can be against me....

I'm tired of dread 

I'm tired of what ifs

Fear doesn't have to rule

Satan can't win this fight

And he won't even with all his might 

For you have risin from the grave 

And my soul you have saved 

The war over my heart is done 

Now he trying to ruin the race I run 

For the prince of darkness gives fear

But I know that God is near 

That he sees my tears 

He comforts but then wins

He doesn't just comfort but he fixs the problem

It geets to the root 

And for me he roots

For he is on my side

And he is the lifter of my head 

Enough said

He Is my defender

And life may bend 

But I won't break 

Because I have a God 

That won't forsake

I have a God who won't let me be 

For he as grabbed my heart and take a hold of me.

My life, Satan no isn't yours or take

Neither is my heart yours to break 

So back off fear 

For my God is near!!"

Wow!!! Jesus is my perfection.  Jesus has already won the war!!!  So, why focus on my failures, and guilt trip myself when I'm not perfect, when I have a God who has already defeated everything?

So, today relish in the beauty of falling apart, for we have a God who is holding us together.  We may struggle and have numerous of trials, yet we must never forget that God has already won.  Therefore, it's all about His glory and how He is teaching us to grow.  

If we can believe this truth, I believe God will shine more and more as we learn the beauty of falling apart.