Can He fix it?

Life has turned into an episode of bob the builder.  Yet, instead of wondering if Bob can fix it, we sit and wonder if God can fix it.

God the creator, can He fix it? God the creator, yes He can!!

We have all been hurt and left with scars that are hard to fix.  When I was little, I was running in from recess and I fell and scraped my nose.  It left a huge mark on my nose.  Physical pain is visible.  You know when you have been healed, when the swelling goes down or the redness goes away, or when you can move it like you used to.

Yet, with emotional scars they are out of your control.  Can you put Neosporin on it?  Can you go to the doctor?  Can you put your heart in a cast?  No…your emotional scars are a lot less tangible and whole lot less quantifiable.

To be honest…this fact kinda frustrates me.  As a person that loves control, I want to be able to fix it.  I want to take over the process and figure out how I can fix it.  Do I need to start a new bible study on healing?  Do I need to remove myself from the situation and ignore it completely?  Do I need a take a break and just not feel anything for a while?  What do I need to do?

God has simply said,  "You need to give me control"

For the one who made your heart, can surely fix it.

I has no clue how to fix my pain and hurt.  Emotions freak me out because they make me feel so out of control.  They are hard to understand and are a lot less logical then I don't know the cough that been having for the last few days.

Yet, God is the ultimate doctor.  Say, your oven was broke.  The best person to fix your oven would be the one who created it right?  Well, God created emotions, and He created every aspect of you heart and who you are.  So don't you think He would be the best person to fix it?

So…let's lay at the fathers feet and pray for healing, freedom and peace.  Lets pray for healing from the pain, freedom from the past, and peace that God is in control.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for i shall again praise him, my salvation and my God" Psalm 42:11

You Are What You Think!!

You are….I am??

I began this summer plagued with anxiety.  My feelings and thoughts got so muddled that my identity was lost.  It got so bad that I was going to read a book on identity.

My thoughts were like this:

Kenady, what are you doing? why do you feel this way? Are you crazy? Just stop feeling this way. What if I make the wrong choice? Is God still for me if I make the wrong choice?  I want to be on God's side but what if I visit the wrong church today and then hear the wrong message and then set back my growth process?  

Who am I?  I don't know who I am!! Am I a beaver? a lion? some people think I am an otter, am I?

If you think I'm exaggerating, then think again.

My identity was and still sometimes is in the choices that I make.  This made every decision super stressful and every choice defined me.  I, then, took my powerful mind to Pine Cove where we take this quiz about personalities and that one quiz rattled my insecurities, since how other people defined me wasn't definitive.  I couldn't tell who I was because I wasn't basing my identity on truth rather on how I felt.

If I felt as if no one loved me, I became unlovable.  If someone told me I was an otter, when I took the test and got beaver, I would doubt my test taking skills and my discernment of who I was.

You are what you think so…

I was inadequate 

I was crazy

I was insecure

I was confused

I was broken

Then when camp started, I was worried about how people would think about me.  I didn't want to get disciplined, or in trouble.  I wanted others to see the real me so I ironically strived to be the me I thought I could be instead of just being who I was.  Yet, slowly the real me just came out and some ugliness with it.

This whole time I was swimming on the surface where as deep down there was sin and it was ugly.  This sin is selfishness.  So, the very person who didn't want to get confronted with discipline, got talked to.

Yet ironically, it took a humbling to boost my worth in my self.  For the words of wisdom and edification broke me.  Then, my thoughts turned to self-hate.  I started thinking of all the bad things that happened and the bad things in me.

I later was told that God disciplines those He loves and that deep down there was a mighty warrior inside me and that it just was going to take great care and discipline, so that I could reach my full potential.

So, with that my thoughts starting thinking of the gifts that God had given me and the love for others I had in my heart, and that I didn't want my selfishness to get in the way of letting others see how much and how deeply I care about them.

So my thoughts instead of focusing on me began to focus on others.  Which freed my mind up, so that I could love and serve and not hear those lies from the enemy.

You are what you think…so why not think truth?

For now I know with Christ in me that...

I am loved 

I am strong

I am cherished

I am transparent

I am capable 

I am a good friend 

I am wise

I am free to be me

I am a women of God.  

I'm tired of the desire to have it all together.

This past weekend, I was a leader at a Dnow.  At this specific Dnow, there was a hour straight of just worship.  Often during worship,  I find myself distracted about what God wants me to do or change or live out.  Does He want me to go pray with this person? Does He want me to give more money in the offering plate?  Does He want me to go to a different church?

With these questions, always come fear.  The fear of failure.  I talked about that in a previous post.  Yet, I started crying the other night at Dnow, because I was just so tired of this.  I'm so tired of worrying about not getting God's will right, or failing.  I want to have it all together and figured out, but I found and find myself overwhelmed by the fact that I didn't know if it was God's voice asking me to do these things.

To my surprise, God didn't say…make sure you do better next time.  Make sure you don't mess up.  Make sure your always perfect in discerning my voice.  He said "Rest in me and you will know me.  Spend sometime quietly reflecting Me, then your discernment will increase.  The answers to those questions are not the solution, I am.  For I am the one that can hold you together.  This gives Me glory."


But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

His power is made perfect in our weakness.  So there is a time for trials, there is a time for famine, there is a time for battle.  For these are the precious moments when God can put us together.  

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

This is my one of my life verses, yet I have just discovered an amazing new way to apply it.  Trials are when God can put us together and isn't that beautiful.  

Below is a song called We fall apart by we as human and it's an amazing song. 

Consequently this weekend, I was able to share with girls my previous struggles and how God has helped me overcome.  God got glory through my imperfection; how beautifully broken we are. 

One night  God gave me this spoken word, that just seems to fit:

"Hello dear 

Don't be afraid to fail

I'm here as you shed that tear

And you know what I'll never bail

You don't have to have it all together 

Because I'm holding you all together 

And you don't have to worry about me because we are forever

Peace I give to you

Peace I impart

For I am the one holds your heart 

I'm here don't you cry

For I'm am here to give you new eyes

So can't you see 

That your part is over and done

Focus on enjoying the day

Not worrying about the setting sun

Let it go, let go the control

For you need not carry that burden anymore

Embrace the vulnerable 

Let me in I'll be your support 

Let me in my darling 

For burden is light 

I'll show you the way 

Even give you new sight 

The fear, the pain 

Leave it all behind

Stop focusing on the past 

And hitting rewind

For today is new and worth the living

For you have a whole lot more worth giving

Wow how amazing you are Lord how amazing

If God is for me then who can be against me....

I'm tired of dread 

I'm tired of what ifs

Fear doesn't have to rule

Satan can't win this fight

And he won't even with all his might 

For you have risin from the grave 

And my soul you have saved 

The war over my heart is done 

Now he trying to ruin the race I run 

For the prince of darkness gives fear

But I know that God is near 

That he sees my tears 

He comforts but then wins

He doesn't just comfort but he fixs the problem

It geets to the root 

And for me he roots

For he is on my side

And he is the lifter of my head 

Enough said

He Is my defender

And life may bend 

But I won't break 

Because I have a God 

That won't forsake

I have a God who won't let me be 

For he as grabbed my heart and take a hold of me.

My life, Satan no isn't yours or take

Neither is my heart yours to break 

So back off fear 

For my God is near!!"

Wow!!! Jesus is my perfection.  Jesus has already won the war!!!  So, why focus on my failures, and guilt trip myself when I'm not perfect, when I have a God who has already defeated everything?

So, today relish in the beauty of falling apart, for we have a God who is holding us together.  We may struggle and have numerous of trials, yet we must never forget that God has already won.  Therefore, it's all about His glory and how He is teaching us to grow.  

If we can believe this truth, I believe God will shine more and more as we learn the beauty of falling apart.