Love can't be earned….it is given.

So…this past week God has turned over tables and revealed a major lie that I had been believing.

I wrote a blog a while back about grace and how hard it was for me to understand grace.  The fact that it can't be earned always has boggled me.  Then, I won a car and God used that car to help me understand his grace a little more.  If you haven't read it…check it out here. 

So, this whole time I've been trying to work this out with my relationship with God.  Yet, it was revealed I had been believing similar lies when it came to relating to people.

I've had a lot of friendship problems in my life.  I would get a friend and then we would fight and no matter how hard I tried we would seem to not ever be the same again.  There was a season of my life where just about every friend and I had broken up and I didn't know what was wrong.  Every situation was different, and every fight was different.  Yet, the only common denominator was me.  It was then I started believing how much of an awful friend I was.

I also would let my friends blame me, because if I was such a bad friend then I must have done something wrong.

To this day, I would never mind taking the blame because I'm so hard on myself anyway that one more negative thought about myself isn't going to hurt right?

Then, I started dating this guy.  I wasn't the most perfect girlfriend, but I tried a lot of things to be a good girlfriend.  I wrote him notes, gave him gifts and spent as much time with him as I could.  I was forgiving and loving.  Yet, the only reason why I did have these things was because I was trying to earn his love. I had made lots of mistakes in the relationship and so I would try to earn his forgiveness or earn his love by doing all these things.

Yet, even after all this He didn't love me.  So, we broke up.

After, the break-up we had a heart to heart in which I confessed that I blame myself…just like I had always blamed myself before.  I told him that it was easier to blame myself and just believe that I could have done more and should've done more rather than believe that it was his fault and that he just didn't love me.

Then, he did an amazing thing.  He told me that I couldn't earn love, but instead love is given.

It's not my loss that he didn't love me or forgive me, it's his loss!!

That statement has sense reverberated in my mind as I play through the years of my friendships and realize I was trying to earn their love the whole time and that's why in the end I had always seen it as my fault.

I remember standing outside someones door with a bucket of ice-cream trying to earn their forgiveness.
Asking for forgiveness but nothing changed.

Nothing that I did changed the way things ended.  Yet, love is not about what is done, it's about the heart of the matter.

If they don't forgive me, it's on them.  Not me!! It's not about what I did, it's about what they didn't do.

I know this may sound harsh, but I'm tired of taking the blame for things that aren't my fault.   I know I'm not perfect and there are things I can work on but I can't earn their forgiveness and I'm tired of trying.

Love is a gift and that's why I'm so thankful for my roommates now.  For even though, I don't always clean my room or keep quiet while they are studying.  They have chosen to love me, and that gift means more to me now that I know it could have never been earned.

I've been lying to myself.

So…We all know the verse Whatever is true, whatever is…wait a minute lets start there.  Everything we think must be true right? We have thought it, it came out of our minds.  No, everything you think and feel is a real feeling and real thought, just it is not necessarily true.

Yet, if we lie to ourselves isn't our whole perception of reality off?

If you tell yourself that nobody likes you, then your going to walk around believing that no one likes you and every time someone is busy and they can't talk to you, your going to use that as support for that belief.  If someone is having a bad day, it's suddenly your fault because they are having a bad day because no one likes you.  

You may laugh, but to be honest that's been me for a while now.  I hate lies, and I don't like when lies are told to me and yet ironically I've been lying to myself for a long time.

I have told myself over and over that I'm not a very good friend, so every time something happens where I argue or something with one of my friends, it becomes my fault.  For it must be my fault, for I'm not a very good friend.

I'm not saying never take the blame, but I'm saying make sure your not taking the blame to further prove to yourself the lies your telling.

If you have ever seen the movie inception, I find it to be a good illustration.  Whenever the dreamer creates a dream they have to be as realistic as possible or the person having the dream's subconscious will start attacking them.  It senses an intruder and begins to attack it.

The first time we tell a lie to ourself we can sense it as an intruder and the trick is to catch it then.  Yet, when we keep telling it to ourself over and over again and we use actions of others or ourselves to justify it.  We start to believe it as truth.

Then, when it is revealed through God and others that the statement we have believed for so long is a lie.   We suddenly sense an intruder and try to attack it, when it's really the truth in the first place.

Lets take the body for example.  We have white blood cells who job is to identify foreign substances and then make antibodies to go and attack them.  Yet a lie is like a virus which hides itself in a body cell to make it harder for the white blood cells to identify them.  Since you are lying to yourself, your brain has diquised its thoughts to look like truth.

Yet, when your trying to replace the lie with truth.  The one thing that is helping you feels like it's hurting you. It's like host-graft disease.  When people have an organ that isn't working sometimes they are lucky enough to get an organ transplant.  Yet, sometimes when an organ is placed in the body, the white blood cells see it as a foreign substance and start attacking it.

Yet why have we trained the white blood cells in our brain to see lies as truth and truth as lies.  Why do we even lie to ourselves when it gets us all messed up like this?

We lie to ourselves to make ourselves feel better or to explain things that have hurt us in society.

I have had many friend break-ups and I've realized that it made me feel better to take the blame.  Why you ask? For if it was my fault, then that just means I didn't do enough, and I'm just not the best friend in the world.  Maybe I can do next time and fix that.  I'm in control of that.  Yet, if I choose to believe the truth maybe that they weren't a good friend and they don't love me.  That's something I can't control and it makes me sadder to think that someone doesn't really love me then believe that I just need to be a better friend.

Yet, this is just an excuse not to cope with your feelings.  I lie to myself so that I don't have to feel the pain of coping with the truth.  Yet, if you give your hurt to God, He will patch up the pain, yet in order to give it to God you have to be honest with Him that it is there.

Yet, I don't want to do this anymore, because it has gotten me nowhere.  So, let's tell others what we say to ourselves because sometimes we will recognize the lie better when it's said out loud.   Also, let's pray and ask God to change our thoughts and show us the beauty in truth.  Let us think about whatever is true..

What if our weaknesses were really mismanaged strengths?

Lately, I have been curious about this principle of what we call human nature.  We say our human nature is to sin and is sinful correct? Yet, was that what God initially created humans to be? No! Originally, before the fall human nature wasn't to sin, human nature was to glorify God.  They walked and talked with God in the garden and honored God with their lives.

Then, the fall happened and life got tricky.  What was the original intent of human nature got corrupted, and mismanaged.  It would be like taking a nice and clean CD whose original intent was to promote the creator's music

and scratching it and ripping it until it couldn't succeed at what it was originally intended to do.  Yet is the old CD still there, yes it's just covered with scratches and holes.

So, I like to see our heart as that old battered up CD before Christ.  Yet, if we have accepted the gospel and have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, we are a new creation. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Coriththians 5:17   Yet, is this old thing that has gone the CD itself or the scratches?  Either way, Jesus has a provided a way for us to come back to our original intent to glorify God.  He has made a way for our CD to be read.  

Yet, a lot of us get trapped in our thinking.  We think we are humans, so therefore since our nature is to sin, we have to deal with certain weaknesses because of it.  Yet, human nature didn't begin as a sinful nature it began as a holy one and with the Lord's help we can begin acting like it.  

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

How do we not conform?  Is it all about trying to fight our sinful nature? No, it's about being more 

focused on transforming our mind.

So, just a thought but what if all of our weaknesses are just original strengths being misused? 

Let's take pride for example…Is it wrong to be proud of God and what He is made? No, of course not.

Yet we take this strength and make it a weakness when we our proud of ourselves and begin to think that it is all about us, instead of all about God. 

Let's take selfishness for example..Is it wrong to love how God made you to be? No, of course not.  He tells us to love others as we love ourselves. Wouldn't it be kinda of insulting to God if we didn't love who He made us to be?  Yet, this becomes mismanaged when we start seeing ourselves as the only one to love and forget to realize since God made everyone we should love how everyone is made and treat them respectfully.

We have started using the qualities God has given us to worship God, instead to worship ourselves. 

So… What if we lived with this kinda of thinking? Instead of constantly focused on our weaknesses and just getting blinded with trying hard to fix them all the time, we could start giving our weaknesses to God and asking Him to take those mismanaged strengths and show us how to manage it better.  

Am I trying to glorify human nature and say that we don't really have problems? No, human nature has become corrupted but all I'm trying to say is as a Christian we don't have to be defined by it.  

As a Christian, we have God's divine help to help lead us back to what original nature was designed and destined to be.  So, let's stop telling ourselves that we sin because of our nature, because in Christ we have a brand new nature.  Instead lets stop defining ourselves by our weaknesses and allow God to  help us stop mismanaging our strengths, so we can live how God originally designed us to live, for the glory of God.

You Are What You Think!!

You are….I am??

I began this summer plagued with anxiety.  My feelings and thoughts got so muddled that my identity was lost.  It got so bad that I was going to read a book on identity.

My thoughts were like this:

Kenady, what are you doing? why do you feel this way? Are you crazy? Just stop feeling this way. What if I make the wrong choice? Is God still for me if I make the wrong choice?  I want to be on God's side but what if I visit the wrong church today and then hear the wrong message and then set back my growth process?  

Who am I?  I don't know who I am!! Am I a beaver? a lion? some people think I am an otter, am I?

If you think I'm exaggerating, then think again.

My identity was and still sometimes is in the choices that I make.  This made every decision super stressful and every choice defined me.  I, then, took my powerful mind to Pine Cove where we take this quiz about personalities and that one quiz rattled my insecurities, since how other people defined me wasn't definitive.  I couldn't tell who I was because I wasn't basing my identity on truth rather on how I felt.

If I felt as if no one loved me, I became unlovable.  If someone told me I was an otter, when I took the test and got beaver, I would doubt my test taking skills and my discernment of who I was.

You are what you think so…

I was inadequate 

I was crazy

I was insecure

I was confused

I was broken

Then when camp started, I was worried about how people would think about me.  I didn't want to get disciplined, or in trouble.  I wanted others to see the real me so I ironically strived to be the me I thought I could be instead of just being who I was.  Yet, slowly the real me just came out and some ugliness with it.

This whole time I was swimming on the surface where as deep down there was sin and it was ugly.  This sin is selfishness.  So, the very person who didn't want to get confronted with discipline, got talked to.

Yet ironically, it took a humbling to boost my worth in my self.  For the words of wisdom and edification broke me.  Then, my thoughts turned to self-hate.  I started thinking of all the bad things that happened and the bad things in me.

I later was told that God disciplines those He loves and that deep down there was a mighty warrior inside me and that it just was going to take great care and discipline, so that I could reach my full potential.

So, with that my thoughts starting thinking of the gifts that God had given me and the love for others I had in my heart, and that I didn't want my selfishness to get in the way of letting others see how much and how deeply I care about them.

So my thoughts instead of focusing on me began to focus on others.  Which freed my mind up, so that I could love and serve and not hear those lies from the enemy.

You are what you think…so why not think truth?

For now I know with Christ in me that...

I am loved 

I am strong

I am cherished

I am transparent

I am capable 

I am a good friend 

I am wise

I am free to be me

I am a women of God.  

How to lead a successful life

So today I was sitting in music business class of all places and my teacher asked me what the meaning of success was.  As I was sitting there, I kept thinking of the fact that everyone has a little different view on what the word success looks like.  Some might say success as the american dream while others consider living in a mansion success.  I googled success and these are the pictures that came up.

The result varies.  Yet one of my classmates defined it as:

Success is the accomplishment of a desired goal

So, wow success can vary a lot because success is dependent on your goal and the goal you have is determined by mindset you have about a certain topic.

I don't know about you, but I want to be successful.  I want to lead a very successful life.  So, I had to ask myself as a Christian what does that look like?

I must align my goals with healthy goals in scripture.  Last time I checked the bible never promised everyone to be rich and famous, so if that is what we consider success than we better change our goals because we will probably be very disappointed one day.

So, let us dive in to a passage of scripture that I think will help us start thinking in a way that can set us up for success

“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them.15To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

21“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22“The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

23“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

24“Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

28“ ‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ Matthew 25: 14-30

Here is a few observations from this passage:

1. Every man got at least one bag.  So, we all get responsibilities, gifts, blessings…etc. from God

2. Not everyone got the same amount to begin with.  We all have different responsibilities, gifts, blessings…etc. from God

3. Among the two successful servants the amount of bags they had when their master came home was different.   Meaning success is not the same for everyone as far as numbers go.

So, how can we apply these principles to everyday life.

In this passage, we realize that God cares less about the amount you gain and more about how well you use the amount that you were given. 

He wants us to be good stewards of all that He has given you.  But lets take note that every man in this story receives a bag.  So we all have responsibilities, gifts and blessings that we need to take care of and be good stewards of.  Yet, the trouble comes when we start comparing bags, for more on this check out my blog on how comparison is the thief of joy.  When we compare the amounts we start with and the amounts we end with, we get disappointed but why should we? For the man who ended with 10 bags and the man with 5 bags both were considered successful to God.  So, our healthy goal should not be a number but rather a goal to make the best use of what we've got

So, let us commit to our bag, our load and responsibility and be faithful to it and watch it grow.  What if it does grow? be patient.  For like we saw in this stories, it was the faithfulness of the servants that was praised.  So be faithful to your responsibility.  Let that be your goal.  

My goal is to be called good and faithful servant at the end of my life.  So, success for me is to be faithful to the load God has given to me.  

So what's yours?

So, Readers I pray that we begin to renew our mind and set healthy goals.  God impressed upon my heart to start a series beginning with this one that focuses on changing our mindset and how that your mindset determines really the quality of your life.  So, if you think that is a good idea, please comment below and stay tuned for new posts. 

I love y'all

Kenady 

Becoming a true princess

Hey guys!! Sorry I haven't posted in a while...I've been working for pine cove. 

Yet I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you what I learned week 8 in Taylor, South Carolina.

The beginning of the week brought much needed disipline from the Lord. He was basically showing me how selfish I was and I just broke. I was so dissapointed in myself that I had been acting that way and I wanted to change. 

Yet, the next few days during camp...it was my job to teach humility to my campers. Yet, I wasn't sure I understood it myself...lol.

So, I'm sitting there teaching my campers about humility and ultra confused. I'm like I get your supposed to think of others more than yourself but you still have to take care of yourself right? Where is the balance? 

So anyway I'm sitting there confused trying to teach. Then God gives me the words to say and man it all makes since now so I thought I would share it with y'all.

So, I had been telling my campers all week that they were princesses because they were daughters of the king:) 

So I was telling them as a princess we must have a certain grace and poise. 

There are princesses out there that are snotty and like to brag but true princesses are grounded in who they are.

Then it dawned on me that humility is having an accurate picture of who you are in Gods eyes. 

For a true princess is so secure in who she is in Gods eyes that she doesn't need attention from anyone else!!

It makes so much since now! Humility isn't thinking that you are dirt but it's knowing how treasured you are in Gods eyes and how the girls and guys next to you are as well. It's being secure in how God sees you and the love He gives you that you can pour out His love to everyone else. 

For selfishness forces you to take and not to give. You need things as a human but the problems come when we look to the wrong person to fulfill those needs. When I look to the world, I will be forced to take and take to try to satisfy my needs. Yet when I look to Jesus, He gives me more than I could ever need. So then I have so much that I can give to those around me.

I don't know about you but I want to be a true princess. Who knows who she is and who God made her to be. Who looks to God to fulfill her heart so that she can give to those around her. 

I love you all:) thanks for reading:) 

All you had to do was ask!!

I've been on a trip to costa rica with my extended family.  I have cousin who is 4 and a cousin who is 1.  Let me just say that they taught me a lesson this week.

The baby, the one year old, is an interesting little man.  He is always curious, always reaching and wanting to do stuff.  He wants this, and he wants that.  The most interesting thing is that we give it to him.  The only time we don't is when it is dangerous, or unhealthily or unwise.  Yet, other than that we give him most everything he asks for.

Now, God is our father, and I know we have heard this a million times, but just hear me out for a second.  If God is our father, and He is greater and more compassionate that any earthly father, why wouldn't He give us what we ask for.

But here is the problem.  We don't ask.  I don't ask.

My Aunt told me a story about how she went on vacation with my uncle and at the end of the trip, he  asked her what she didn't like about the trip.  She listed off a list of things and to each of them my uncle responded with "Next time, Just ask!"

Why don't we ask?  I don't know. I think sometime I forget too or I think what I'm asking for is silly or something.

Yet if God truly loves us and promises to give us more than we can ask or imagine than why not ask.  Now if we ask if we can walk across the street while there is traffic, God might say no and we may not understand why.  Yet, why not keep asking? Why not keep talking?  Why aren't we squirmy like a one year old is?  Ready to move, always asking, wiggling and ready?

Instead we just sit and wait for God just to hand us stuff.  Have we ever wondered if He was just sitting and waiting for us to ask?

So, lets ask!!  I don't want my God at the end of my journey to say. "You could have asked!"