I'm scared of mistakes

I think we have already discussed that I am a perfectionist. 

I think we also have discussed that I get stressed about whether I doing God's will. 

Today, in my quiet time I realized that these two things go hand in hand. 

"I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter." -Love Does by Bob Goff

I realized today that I am afraid at failing at the thing that is most important to me, my walk with God.  
My biggest fear is one day I will fall away from God, failing to live the life that God wants me too.  

The other day I had a melt down.  I was worried that I had made a mistake, and I was super worked out about it, to the point of tears.  Then, my dad told me that I needed to stop worrying about stuff and have fun, and make mistakes and learn from them.  

Now, this is the most disturbing thing for a perfectionist to hear.  Make mistakes? What does that mean?  I can't make mistakes, I have to do my best with every fiber of my being to be the best Christian there is.  That means I can't make mistakes, especially with my choices.  I have to represent God well. 

Then, He asked me, "Have you made a mistake, during the time you have been away from home?"

I couldn't think of any huge decision choices.  Although I'm sure there was many. How sad:(

In 13 going on 30, Jennifer Garner comes home sad and full of regret and then asks her mom if there was anything she regrets to which her mom responds no…she tells her that she has made many mistakes but she learned from all of them and that is why she has no regrets:) 

So why am I so worried about making mistakes, that it paralyzes me with fear? Good things can come out of mistakes.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

We serve a mighty God, who is bigger than our mistakes, and failures. He is so much bigger than our choices.  

Now, I am not giving you permission to sin, because it is that sin that put our beloved Lord on the cross.

But I am saying don't be so scared your going to mess up that you don't live life.   

Life is worth the living, and mistakes are worth learning from, so let us go out there and make some.  

I would rather make mistakes and have God glorified through my weaknesses than live a seemingly perfect life that is clouded with fear.  

Did you know there are actual inventions that came out of accidents?:) I googled it. Cornflakes, Microwaves, Silly Puttys, Post it notes, The slinky, Potato chips, Fireworks and Play-doh were all invented through accidents. 

Imagine Fourth of July without fireworks. Imagine life without a mirocwaves and imagine childhood without silly putty or a slinky.  

The life you just imagined would have been reality, if those inventors were afraid to make mistakes, or afraid to be wrong.

So, lets go live and lets go make some mistakes. For we serve a mighty God that will allow us to learn and get stronger from them. 

I'm tired of complaining

 Do everything without grumbling or arguing,so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky. Philippians 2:14-15

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:4-13

I think it's cool that some of the most quoted verses are here in the same passage of Philippians 4. wow.  

So why did the author put them all in the same chapter? Could it be that all these points are sometimes related?  

That rejoicing in every circumstances comes from choosing not to be anxious.  In order not to be anxious, we must choose to think on the right things.  This allows us to be content in all circumstances.  

Wow...how cool is that.  I feel like often time we think are circumstances determine our attitude, but that doesn't have to be the case.  For if we trust in God, we know that we can do all things through him who gives me strength.  

That being said we must stop acting like we are just caught up in the waves of our circumstances feeling what we must feel in any given situation.  Saying well of course I'm sad, I have every right to be sad, because blah blah blah happened to me. 

Now, let me be clear I am not telling you to hide your feelings or deny them.  You will get sad sometimes and you will get mad but it is what you CHOOSE to do with that feeling that makes the difference.

You don't have to wallow in it.  You don't have to stay in those feelings anymore.   

No, you have to choose to rejoice, for God is good.  You also have to take your thoughts captive.  This is a struggle for me; my mind is a horrible place sometimes.  So, I need to discipline myself to take every thought captive and give it unto God.  Therefore, my anxiety will disappear with my anxious thoughts, and then I will have peace.  

So, I don't know about you I want to rejoice and not complain so I can shine like the stars in the sky.  

We are so lucky.  For we have a faithful God who is our shepherd  

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.-Psalm 23

So, why do I complain? Its because I choose too.  

Lately I have started to change what I say.  Instead of saying I have to go somewhere I say I get to go somewhere. A very subtle change but that changes your whole perspective.

Your perspective is determined by your outlook on life. Essentially your outlook is your choice.  It's time for us to stand up and be men and women of God, and choose not to change our perspective and not complain.

 

So, let's shine like stars in the sky.  

Jesus is Better

Today I just want to reflect on God's goodness and His sufficiency.

The bible describes God as our shepherd, and we are his sheep.

"The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.  A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not the voice of strangers…The thief comes to only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10: 3-5, 10

In the song, above my favorite lyrics are
"In all my sorrows, Jesus is better - make my heart believe
In all my victories, Jesus is better - make my heart believe
Than any comfort, Jesus is better - make my heart believe
More than all riches, Jesus is better - make my heart believe
Our souls declaring, Jesus is better - make my heart believe
Our song eternal, Jesus is better - make my heart believe"

I feel like many of us think that we should reflect on the goodness of our King, when we are tempted to go astray.  When we are struggling with temptation, yes, that is a perfect time to know and understand that God's will is higher than ours.  

Yet, I think the problem that we all struggle with is unbelief.  No matter where we find ourselves in life, whether it be sorrows, victories, comfort, riches, we must know that Jesus is even better.  

The fact is that God's goodness doesn't just lead us in the right direction, but it guides us every day.  Day in and day out, our King is our Shepherd.  

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

    He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

 

    he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

    for his name’s sake.

 

Even though I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil,

    for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

    in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

    my cup overflows.

 

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever.

Psalm 23 

There is a bible story I would like to mention.  

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.  Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” Mark 4:35-41  

So, His disciples, who had risked everything and denied their life to be with them, still stumbled in unbelief.  They were still caught up in the storm.  The were caught up in life circumstances rather than taking a moment to reflect on God's goodness.  

So today, let us know that Jesus is better than the trials, and He is better than the storm.

Jesus, Make our heart believe, help our unbelief.

A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

“You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”" Mark 4: 17-24  

I love this story because the disciples again were struggling with unbelief, as well as the boys father.  Yet, the boy's father choose to believe and he exclaimed help my unbelief. 

Sometimes we need to see that believing isn't a feeling, it is a choice.  I must choose daily to ask God to help my belief and then choose to believe that Jesus is better.  Jesus is my shepherd. That Jesus's ways are higher than my ways.  That Jesus can help my unbelief. 

Broken Hallelujah

So, I am going to be honest.  Life has been hard lately. I am taking 19 hours in school and I work 3 hours a week.  I am also very involved in my sorority.  Yet, I am a social butterfly, so I try to keep up with all my friends and be apart of the social scene in my school.  

So, life is stressful…that is probably why I have so many posts about fear, anxiety, stress and worries because God has been teaching me a lot specifically in that area, because I need it. 

Well, in the previous post, I told you that I have been reading the book, "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" by Mark Batterson.  Well, He said something that is very profound and it inspired this post.  

He said, "Worship is forgetting what's wrong with you and remembering what's right with God"(Batterson).  

Wow… I believe that is so true.  A lot of the time I focus on my stress and how I can remove it.  I focus on what I need to get done, or maybe what I need to cut out of my life to make it less stressful.  Instead, I should focus on how great God is and how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many great people and opportunities.  

I find it a lot more enjoyable when I choose to enjoy my busy life rather being stressed about my busy life.  

So…I don't know about you but I am tired of complaining. 

"Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people" Philippians 2: 14-15

I want to shine like bright lights, some translations say like stars in the sky. I want to shine, but that requires praising rather than complaining.  

I think that means we have to praise the Lord, even when time gets tough.  We have to focus on how great God is instead of how messed up we are, like David did. David was pursued by Saul, and he had to flee and live a life on the run even though God promised him that one day would be king.  While, many of David's songs were outcries of his sorrow and sadness they always end with a look to God and who He is. 

Psalm 55

Listen to my prayer, O God,

do not ignore my plea;

2hear me and answer me.

My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

3because of what my enemy is saying,

because of the threats of the wicked;

for they bring down suffering on me

and assail me in their anger.

4My heart is in anguish within me;

the terrors of death have fallen on me.

5Fear and trembling have beset me;

horror has overwhelmed me.

6I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!

I would fly away and be at rest.

7I would flee far away

and stay in the desert;^c

8I would hurry to my place of shelter,

far from the tempest and storm.”...

12If an enemy were insulting me,

I could endure it;

if a foe were rising against me,

I could hide.

13But it is you, a man like myself,

my companion, my close friend,

14with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship

at the house of God,

as we walked about

among the worshipers...

16As for me, I call to God,

and the Lord saves me.

17Evening, morning and noon

I cry out in distress,

and he hears my voice.

18He rescues me unharmed

from the battle waged against me,

even though many oppose me.

19God, who is enthroned from of old,

who does not change—

he will hear them and humble them,

because they have no fear of God...

22Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you;

he will never let

the righteous be shaken.

23But you, God, will bring down the wicked

into the pit of decay;

the bloodthirsty and deceitful

will not live out half their days.

But as for me, I trust in you.

So right now.  Let us choose to worship God.  Let us choose to focus on how amazing He is.  

He is just. 

He is mighty.

He is as fierce as lion, but as gentle as a lamb.

He is compassionate.

He is faithful. He will never leave us and forsake us.

He loves us enough to sacrifice His only son.

God gives us grace, when we don't deserve it.

God gives us mercy, so that we don't have to endure what we do deserve.

God pursues us and never gives up on us.

God created us in His image.

He is the living water.

He is healer. 

He is patient, oh so patient with stubborn Kenady.

He is a loving father.

He is a loving husband.

He is a loving friend.

He holds me. 

He is the song in my heart.

He is everything good. 

He is everything lovely.

He is everything joyful.

His love will always remain.

His love will never fail.

His love will never retreat, never surrender.

His love can move mountains.

His power can create in one breath. 

His name is above all names.

In His name is every victory.

So, through this season, let us choose to trust in His unstoppable power, unimaginable goodness, and His never failing love.

Step back, Fear

Before I get really fired up about how everyone should face their fears, I have to tell you that this is an area I struggle with.

I will tell you a few of my fears.  I am scared of trying new things, scared of change, scared of getting hurt, scared of being scared, scared of choking, scared of throwing up, scared of the dark (only sometimes), scared of missing God's best for me, scared of denying God's will, scared of trying new foods, scared of commitment, and scared of being out of control.

Yes, I am serious about all of these and some of them affect me every day.  There have been times when I do not get my fill because I am afraid of choking.  Sometimes I can not sleep at night because I am afraid of throwing up.   Sometimes I don't try new foods because I am afraid I might like it and then have to change my diet.  I know all of these seem super crazy and very irrational, and I would agree they are crazy and super irrational, but to me they are a very real thing.

I am reading a book called In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson.  The whole premise of the book is based on a verse in the bible.  You heard me right…a verse.  Okay maybe a couple verses, but still.

"Benaiah son of Jehoiada, a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, performed great exploits. He struck down Moab’s two mightiest warriors. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion.  And he struck down a huge Egyptian. Although the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, Benaiah went against him with a club. He snatched the spear from the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own spear." (2 Samuel 23:20-21).  

Yes, the scripture just said that Benaiah went and killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day.  I can't believe I read right over this when I read through 2 Samuel.  This guy soon became the captain of David's army because he was a "lion chaser" as Mark Batterson describes.  

I know that we all have dreams.  We all want to make our own mark on the world.  That dream could be as simple as being a stay at home mom or as complex to moving to across the world and planting a church in some remote village in India.  We all have dreams.  Some of us, even have God-sized dreams.  

We have dreams that seem impossible.  But as Mark Batterson describes, your God-sized dreams are only as big as your God.  "Maybe it's time to stop creating God in your image and let Him create you in His. The more we grow, the bigger God should get. And the bigger God gets, the smaller our lions will become" (Batterson 29). 

Yet, I am still thinking that Beniah wasn't completely absent of fear, when he began to chase the lion.  No!  I'm sure he was terrified.  Yet, He decided to face his fears, because He knew that his God was big enough.  

Batterson also talks about how the scariest experiences are the greatest experiences of you life.  Thinking back through my life, one of the greatest experiences of my life was when I moved to New York.  Yet, I tell you it was one of the scariest things in my life.  I was in 7th grade, and I had to move across the continent to experience a culture that was the complete opposite of the conservative Texas.  Not only that but our family was split up; my dad stayed here in Texas when my mom and I moved to the Big Apple.  

I was terrified.  

Yet, My dad and I were reading through the bible together and it was when I was in New York, when we came across the passage

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). 

My family adopted this as our family motto.  We want to be bold and courageous.  

So, I don't know about you, but I am tired of letting fear hold me back.  I want to have a story that people will talk about for years to come.  I want to be in the hall of fame along with David who shot Goliath, Beniah who killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day,  Daniel who braved a lions den, and Shadrach, Mishach, and Abendego who faced a fiery furnace.  

Maybe, today, you don't have to go into a fiery furnace, but maybe you have to go into a workplace where no one knows Jesus, and God has been asking you to tell them about Christ.  Maybe you don't have to slay a giant, but you have to mend a friendship and perform a giant task of forgiving them for the past.  Maybe you don't have to kill a lion, but you have to thwart the devils schemes of tempting you.  As Batterson says, the devil is described as a lion. 

So, starting today, let us not let our fears hold us back.  Let's keep each other accountable.  Let's face our fears.  For the moment we face our fears, could be the greatest moments of our life.