I Can

How many times do we wait for others to give us permission to succeed?  We wait for the applause before we perform, we wait for the money before we sell, and we wait for others to confirm we are going the right way before we take a step in that direction.

Isn't this people-pleasing wrapped up in a pretty bow, but instead of doing something to please people, we are waiting to please people before we start doing it.

However, tonight I've decided something.  I've decided that I can.

I'm no longer going to wait for others permission to succeed.

See I always thought this was a humility thing.  You know sit at the lowly spot at the table and wait for the host to move you to the greatest seat.  However, I was sitting at the wrong table.

I sit at the lowly spot at my teacher's table, or my friend's table, or even at the table of the person I happen to be in charge of.  Humility is not sitting at these tables, pride is found here.  I'm waiting for their approval, for them to move me up, for them to tell me I have the ability to succeed.

I should be sitting at the Lord's table.  I sit in the worst spot at his table, and yet he blesses me beyond all that I've ever imagined.  He raises me up when I don't deserve it.  The relationship with the Lord shows me both that I absolutely cannot, but with Him, I can.

I can be freed from other people's permission, opinions, or approval.  I can walk boldly to the path the Lord has called me on.

I can fight the enemy.  I can win this battle.

I don't need your permission because I absolutely cannot, but with Him, I can.

So many times have I masked my own pride in my humility.  So many times I turned to others when I should have been on my knees.

So many times I've counted on others permission to succeed.  So many times I've waited for someone to help, when I've had everything I need.

I absolutely cannot, but with Him I can.

Freedom from Fear: let's stop it from ruining our lives.

So, I don't know about you, but I get scared of just about everything. Rational and irrational.  Rational: losing the people I love, irrational: I'm convinced I'm going to get sick and throw up on stage.  Rational: blind spots in the car, irrational: there is someone hiding behind my shower curtain.  I'm not playing, I'm serious.

However, as I've grown-up, I've realized how much these fears have hindered me from living for God, and enjoying the good things He has blessed with.

I went on a ski trip this past week.  I love to ski; I think it is so fun. However, I'm kinda terrified of looking down the face of the mountain and knowing that is only me and two boards of plastic getting me down.

Then, I realized something.  When I get scared, I dig in and break hard core, and on the snowy days we were having it was causing me more problems,
then if I had just made my s shapes all the way down the mountain.

It got so bad, the second day. I really wanted to do this tree run.  I love tree runs, they are something new and fresh I get to explore.  So, I get to the top of the tree run break, look down, and realize I'm about to go down this thing and I don't think I want to.  I'm screaming down going "I'm not sure I want to do this" and people at the bottom and the ski lift are yelling back "you can do it." So I do it, but only my way. To gain control, I e
nd up breaking, which I shouldn't have, and I get stuck. So stuck someone had to come help me or I was headed straight for a tree.

I wanted to "feel" like I was in control, and ended up causing more problems for myself.  There were many tree runs, that would have allowed me to get some air, but I would break too hard and miss out.
We do this in life don't we.  God gives us a great tree run, a break from our everyday, which we get to use our gifts and talents to glorify him, and yet we crave control.  We feel like it's all going to fast, so we break and end up heading straight for a tree instead.

What are we doing?  Let's stop breaking through life.  Am I saying you should go barreling down the mountain, no that's a sure way to get hurt.  I'm saying that yes,  take it all in, but don't break so hard because you want control.

I need to trust the Lord that He has got me.  The Lord that made the mountain, I think can keep me upright on it.  He doesn't need my hands gripped so tight on the reigns, that I never enjoy the ride.

I didn't go down the black...btw

So will you join me?  Let's take those tree runs, and gets some sweet air, because we don't need to fear when the Lord who made them is on our side.

I hope for people to read my blog, is that wrong?

Is it wrong to hope for things?  Like is it wrong to want things?  I want good grades, and I want my family to be healthy and I hope that this holiday season is a time that I can grow in relationship with them.

Is is wrong to hope for big things? Girls, is it wrong to hope to get married one day? Is it wrong to hope for family.

I don't think it is wrong to hope for things, but I think it's wrong to place our hope in things or people.

If my hope is in getting good grades, then when I get a bad grade my heart is broken.  If my hope is in getting married, and I never do then I will live a miserable life constantly feeling lonely and misunderstood.

However, If my hope is in God, then I have the confidence to hope for things.  Since, I know that God wants my good as well as values my growing character, I can trust whatever answer to my hopes comes my way.  When I fail a test, my heart might hurt but I will be able to rest in knowing that God is still my God whether I get an A or fail.  When I get married, I can freely thank Him for giving me something that I desire but also putting that desire in my heart.

Now, when we hope in the wrong things, it can be relatively easy for us to pinpoint.  We can see how much we are willing to do to keep it.  If you are willing to lie, manipulate, or do anything to compromise your values to keep something, chances are your hope is in it. Because hoping in God allows us to do the right thing even when it's hard because we trust Him to work it all out in the end.

Now, I've realized I have put my hope in myself.  This causes me major anxiety and I don't want to hope for things because I'm worried that they will fail or I'm not good enough.  If I hope for something, and it fails.  It becomes my fault for wanting it to happen.

Yet, when am I going to realize that I don't have to do things on my own.  I was walking with one of my friends the other day and I was trying to carry my bags and lift my skirt up at the same time and I was fumbling all over the place.  My friend was like "I can carry your bag?".  Isn't this what we do with God?  We are so stressed trying to hold up everything in our lives because we think it's on us, when God is trying to say "I'm here, I can take that from you"

Now, when we give our bags to God it leaves us with empty hands.  Hands we can serve and love and trust and hope with.  Yet, our heart is in God, and our anchor rests in him.  So, if we lose something we hope for, it's only a penny in the grand scheme of things because we have hope in something that is so much greater than anything we can hope for.

God wants us to love things and hope for things, but we won't be fully free to do that until we have our hope in Him.

When we have are hope in God, we are free to take risks because we have nothing to lose because we know that everything to gain is already in him.

Therefore, we can hope for things, and take a risk because we know that all that is to gain is from God anyway.

So let us trust in God, and Hope in Him.  So we can live fearlessly, we weren't made to live this life alone, so let us put our trust in Him.

You're a flower about to bloom!!

If i'm going to be real, it's been a hard go of it. God has been chiseling me, and it's hard.  Through this time God has given me three songs.  One was called Idol factory, and since then God has been taking away idols, I didn't even know I had. The second song was called "Be Still".

Be still and know that I am God Psalm 46:10

He is been telling me to be confident and hopeful about what is to come because He is my God.
The stillness has been hard since I like to keep moving, yet I am trying to persevere and wait for the time appointed.

The third song, I finished tonight, and it's called "Prune me".  I was praying and asking God to heal me and to prune me.  "Consider it pure joy you say, Be still you say well now there is nothing in my way, so prune me, mold me, I know you're chiseling to reveal your beauty. So take away what's in my way, prune me, for your glory" After this prayer, I looked up to a bouquet of flowers my roommate got me and when she had first gotten them the lilies hadn't bloomed yet, yet today they are blooming!

I felt God say, "Look that's you, you are a flower about to bloom" I am a caterpillar about to become a butterfly.

The work that it takes for a flower to bloom is a lot.  It has to go through struggles and times of being still yet one day it is going to bloom.

So take heart, o brokenhearted, you're a flower about to bloom!

Dads, Pursue your Daughters

I'm writing this to you today because I opened up my college mailbox which I infrequently check and found two notes from my dad.

The notes were simple. One was a post card and the other was a nice papyrus card.  However, they were quick notes of encouragement.  One thanking me for going on a trip with him to San Francisco and the other telling me how great of a time he has had this summer spending time with me.

These simple notes made my day and maybe my week.   Humans were made with a capacity to love and be loved.  Our heavenly father fills this.  However, it the busyness of live we may forget just how much God sees us and loves us.  Our earthly dad can easily remind us of this.

I love my father and his words mean the world to me. Being a girl is hard these days.  We know we can find our worth and value in Christ, but we still long for someone in this world to pursue us and to find us special.

Dads make us feel special.

Dads make us feel wanted, cherished and loved.

So, dads I encourage you to pursue you daughters.  Take her on dates.  My dad and I went to the daddy daughter dance every year until I was too old to go and now instead we go to a nice restaurant.

Teach you daughters what they are supposed to look for in a man, although I'm sure they could never find someone as great as you.  Every time my dad does something great, I'm reminded that it just got a little harder for the man I will one day marry.

You set the bar.

Yet, you also there when a guy doesn't meet the bar and we are left sad and confused. On days like these we are reminded that we will always have a guy in our life and this guy loves us and thinks we are special.  You remind us that this isn't the end of the world because we have you and not only that we have God.

For if you love us this much, then how much more does God love us.

So, Dads please pursue your daughters because no one on earth can do it better than you can.

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Well, sometimes my prayer life feels like that buffering screen.  I feel like my answered prayers in the past few months have left me at dead ends.  I'm not sure if I should turn around or wait for God to open the door. 

Just like in netflix when we see the buffering screen, we want to exit out and start again.  Maybe even restart the computer or reboot the wifi.  We try anything to make the waiting go away.  However, the more we click the more that spinning wheel keeps on spinning.

Waiting is so hard that we try filling our life with other meaningless things.  We try to forge a new path, our own path.  Just think about Abraham,  God promised him a son which already seemed impossible.  I mean he wasn't getting any younger.  The spinning color wheel kept spinning so he decided to beat down the dead end of the maze. He ended up with a son but because he did it his way instead of God's way, there was a lot of scars to be felt.  I mean what do we expect!  There is going to be more hurt and pain when we beat down a door instead of letting God open it in his time.  For more on God's timing read about how there is such thing as a good gift at a bad time.

I love to know God's plan and I love to be busy doing something.  It's very hard for me to realize that sometimes God's plan is for me to wait and do nothing.  I feel like I'm being sidelined to be a bench warmer, but in reality God is doing a new work. 

Think about it, when the computer is buffering, it means it is working so hard that you have to stop working so it can finish.  It's the same thing with God. 


Sometimes for him to do a deep work, I have to cease to work.  Sometimes my business has to stop, for his to begin. 

Isaiah 43:18-19: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland"

He loves me, He loves me not!!

In the theme of genuine Christianity, I'll be honest sometimes I forget that God loves me. I guess my intellectual self has a hard time not going through periods of doubt. 

We all want to be loved and so since I wasn't so sure that God loved and approved of me, I looked to functional gods to do the trick. I've been reading this book called "No other gods" by Kelly Minter. It's so good. If you are a person, you should read it. Anyway she talks about how we can look to other people to give us the love we desire instead of looking to god. 

This is honestly something I struggle with. I've idolized my parents approval for years and I've idolized my best friend. However, it has been the worst when I'm interested in someone. 

Quite frankly, I'm tired of it. It is exhausting!!

Relying on someone other than God to fill your heart is kinda of like this...

*not my picture btw 

Today on an island, we climbed through these rock caves on the beach. We climbed under rocks and over rocks, through rocks and between rocks. It was quite a workout after a day of busy activities, and when that was done we walked across more beach under some trees into a very pretty area where I found a rock shaped like a heart. Wow!! That's really cool...so I picked it up wanting to take it back to keep. So I had to carry the very heavy rock back through the caves of rocks. Up the stairs and down the stairs, through rocks and under rocks. Then I had to put on my snorkel gear and swim back to our dingy with the not so light rock. 

The burden of longing for love is kinda as heavy as this rock.  I've lugged and dragged my heart too long. 

Jesus said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. I to be reminded of Gods love for me this week. I mean I found a heart rock that's pretty cool!! However, I want to keep this rock as a reminder that I can't go through life on my own. I can't carry my heart..Jesus can though. 

Just imagine if I could have swam without my rock..I would have had a free hand to hold someone I love. Loving people no longer becomes a burden but a joy. 

When we know Jesus loves us and that He gives us all the love we could ever need than we no longer need to carry our heavy hearts!

I pray that we give our heavy hearts to Jesus so we can know his love more than ever, for his yoke is easy and his burden is light!